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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25011430">The Past Pain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magagug/pseuds/Magagug'>Magagug</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>My Star Wars Trilogy [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Background Finnrey, Finn is the focus of this installment, Gen, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Rey has a larger role, Rose is in this but she’s a medic, the tone is darker than the last one</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:21:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,084</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25011430</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magagug/pseuds/Magagug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the second installment of the trilogy, Ben and Finn find themselves stranded behind enemy lines on a hostile, war torn planet with a slim chance of extraction.  Meanwhile, Rey is confronted by someone from her past who will reveal an unthinkable truth about the Skywalker family.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Finn/Rey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>My Star Wars Trilogy [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1807819</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Finn</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For this installment, I spent about a year doing research on the direction I’m going in.  This is much more of a war story as it is a story about survival.  My biggest influence was Black Hawk Down.  I’ve read the book and seen the film multiple times as well as several other war films.</p><p>Also, as this installment is more focused on Finn, there will be some rather dark moments in this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Rey)</p><p>Leia Organa, former Princess of Alderaan, now general of the Resistance, and my mother, stands in a jungle clearing on D'Quar. A throng of officers and crew members stand on either side of her, their hands clasped and heads down. But she, Ben, and I can see them stealing looks at her, and to each other. War is coming, and they know it. We all do.</p><p>They're worried that in her grief, she's forgotten. This has to greatly offend her since she's known about pain and loss longer than most of us have been alive. For five decades, war and grief were her only faithful companions. And they've yet to prevent her to do what needs to be done.</p><p>The funeral for my father was not her decision. She knows it won't be long until the First Order attacks us again. She agreed to let the funeral happen as long as it wouldn't hinder the evacuation, but she didn't want to be a part of it. As I'm the only one who can normally get through to her, I was elected to talk to her.</p><p>"He was a hero." I said "He needs to be honored like everyone else we lost."</p><p>"Why do you care?" She asked "You always said you hated him for abandoning us."</p><p>This put some lift in my eyes. I wasn't expecting her to bring that up. It's not exactly a lie though. After being let down by him over and over again as a child, I guess you could say a bitterness rose up within me. Even getting to where I took my mother's biological maiden name instead of his.</p><p>I didn't let her see my reaction. I pushed down my emotions, guarded my expression, and said:</p><p>"This isn't about me, mom. This is about you. Resistance needs to see you. They need to know that you aren't giving up on them. If you break, they will too."</p><p>She gave me a look I've never seen before. In her eyes, I only see pain and vulnerability, "Maybe I have, I just don't know how much longer I can keep this up." She said</p><p>"What would Jacen do?" I asked</p><p>She ponders this for a moment, then gets out of her chair and faces me. There's a conspiratorial look on her face.</p><p>"Alright." She replied</p><p>The first part of the ceremony involves her reading off the names of all the people who died during the assault. Giving a moment of silence for each of them. Eventually, we all follow her to the edge of the jungle for the second part of the ceremony. A large tree with a small, triangle-shaped hole in it's center. As we don't have his body to burn, we each give up something he gave to us.</p><p>My mother places a small, golden, chain with a die on each side into the hole. I pick up a small figurine he gave me as a child. He'd made it for my mother on Endor. When she caught him, he said it was supposed to be some tribal warrior princess, but my mother knew it was really her. He gave it to me shortly after my birth. After examining for a moment, I place it into the tree. My mother signals BB-8, who lights the tree on fire.</p><p>….</p><p>(Finn)</p><p>It's been close to a year since the evacuation of D'Quar. The republic has provided us with multiple resources including Hammerhead Corvettes, U-wings, and Y-wing bombers. The First Order hasn't attacked us since D'Quar, but they're coming. They just need to find us first.</p><p>I think knowing this is what's kept me awake for the last few nights. That...and the nightmares. They're always the same, they're about the family I lost when I was barely old enough to remember them. I can remember very few things about the night I was taken, and my nightmares make up for what I can't.</p><p>
  <em>I'm being held tightly by my mother as a stormtrooper stands across from us: Phasma. She and my mother are talking, and I can hear my mother's voice breaking with every word she says. It's at this moment I notice my sister at my mother's hip opposite me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The conversation ultimately leads to Phasma saying "Since your family served the empire in the old wars, you are given the opportunity to keep one."</em>
</p><p>"<em>Ex...excuse me?" My mother says</em></p><p>
  <em>Phasma takes a step toward her with two stormtroopers forming behind her. "You may keep one of your children, the other must come with us and serve the First Order."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My sister holds onto my mother and begins to sob quietly. This causes me to do the same. "No…..no, I can't!" My mother cries</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In a firm tone, Phasma says "if you do not choose, they will both be taken."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My mother begins to sob hysterically "Please, no. I can't choose! I can't choose!" She says as she holds us closer to her</em>
</p><p>"<em>Take them both!" Phasma orders to her troopers</em></p><p>
  <em>My sister is strong enough to get out of their grasp, but I am not.</em>
</p><p>"<em>TAKE HIM….TAKE MY BOY! Take my baby boy!" she sobs as I'm ripped from her arms and taken away. I don't even remember what my mother looked like, or my sister, they're just shadows to me now. </em></p><p>Realizing this is going to be another sleepless night, I sit up on my bed and turn to my left where I see Ben asleep in his bed a few feet away from me. Due to the base on Crait being much larger than the previous one and the fact that we have much smaller numbers compared to the Rebellion, there are enough living quarters where nobody has to share rooms, but Ben looked horrified at the idea of being alone so I offered to live with him.</p><p>Not wanting to wake him, I grab my boots and wait to put them on until I get out the door. I've been told by a few people that taking a walk around the base to tire myself out.</p><p>He wouldn't exactly mind being woken up, but due to the rigorous training he's been going through these past few months he deserves a good night's sleep. Unlike me, he can fall asleep the second his face hits the pillow. He and Rey to a certain extent are the only people I feel I can talk to. Everyone else is still a little cagey around me; not that I blame them, I'd feel the same way in their position.</p><p>I hope this changes someday though. I want to find a way to prove to everyone, and furthermore myself, that my past doesn't define who I am. Yes, I was a stormtrooper, but not anymore. I am done with the First Order, and I would rather die than go back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Late night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Finn and Rey have a late night chat.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>(Finn)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I walk around the dark and mostly silent base.  I’m not going in any particular direction, my ultimate intent is to keep walking until I feel I can’t stay awake anymore and try to get at least a few more hours of sleep.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I continue walking for an unknown amount of time before I hear music in the distance. It sounds like it’s coming from a hallikset.  It’s a song I haven’t heard before.  I think I know who’s playing it, and the thought of it brings a smile to my face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I listen more intently as I get closer.  Whatever the song is, it sounds rather sad.  But that doesn’t mean it isn’t undeniably beautiful.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually I see her.  Playing the hallikset while sitting on a bench in front of a small fire.  She’s alone and I take it she doesn’t want to be bothered, so I hide behind a nearby supply crate.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She slows down her song and eventually sets the instrument next to her.  She then turns her head in my direction.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not that sneaky, Bucket-Head.” Rey says</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I jump to my feet.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry” I say as I start to walk away </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Trouble sleeping?” She asks</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I turn around and walk back to her</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah” I say “You?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Isn’t it obvious?” She replies</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess.” I say as I sit on the bench across from her. “I mean, I’ve never seen you use that before.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She glances at the hallikset and then back at me, almost as if she’s deciding what to reveal and what not to.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s… just something my dad taught me when I was little, during one of the times I actually got to see him for longer than a day.”  She says  “He taught me all kinds of different songs that he knew.  Everything from folk songs to love ballads.  He was a terrible singer though.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then it hits me as I see what appears to be tears in her eyes: “It was one year ago today, isn’t it?” I ask</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” She says “As of three hours ago.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Must be nice.” I hear myself say “To have something to remember him by, I mean.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She doesn’t say anything, she just continues to stare intently at the fire.  Once again, I open my mouth without thinking.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t remember anything about my parents, I don’t remember what they look like, or even my real name.”  I say </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I’m backing away as she continues to remain silent.  “Okay, well I’ll leave you alone now.  Good night.”  I say</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I turn around and I’m walking back to my room when I hear: “Hey, Finn”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I turn back and see Rey on her feet with the hallikset in her hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?” I say</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to hear the rest of the song?” She asks</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I feel the grin forming on my lips, I don’t resist it.  “Sure.” I say</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I sit back down as she goes back to the bench across from me.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Try not to laugh, ok?” She asks</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.” I reply </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m trusting you on this.” She says</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She takes a deep breath, and begins:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It started out as a feeling</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Which then grew into a hope</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Which then turned into a quiet thought</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Which then turned into a quiet word</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And then that word grew louder and louder</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>'Til it was a battle cry</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I'll come back when you call me</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No need to say goodbye</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Just because everything's changing</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Doesn't mean it's never been this way before</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>All you can do is try to know who your friends are</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>As you head off to the war</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You'll come back when it's over</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No need to say goodbye</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You'll come back when it's over</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No need to say goodbye</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Now we're back to the beginning</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It's just a feeling and no one knows yet</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>But just because they can't feel it too</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Doesn't mean that you have to forget</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Let your memories grow stronger and stronger</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>'Til they're before your eyes</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You'll come back when they call you</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No need to say goodbye</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You'll come back when they call you</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No need to say goodbye”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow.” I say “Your dad taught you that?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” She chuckles “I wrote that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I don’t know why, but I’m taken aback by this to the point that I’m at a loss for words.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well...it was….good, really good.” I say</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I could tell about halfway through.” She says with a smile</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There was something in my eye.” I say “All this salt on the ground can get into your eyes if you’re not careful.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She laughs and so do I.  A few minutes later, we both get up and return to our quarters.  And no matter what I do, I can’t wipe the smile off my face.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>(Unknown)</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I find myself waking up in a bright room.  I don’t know how long I’ve been out for.  Months?  Years?  I hope not.  All I feel is Ben, I feel darkness coming and I don’t know if he’s strong enough to face it yet.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t move anything other than my eyes.  I look around and all I see is a blinding white light.  I close my eyes to shut it out.  And then I hear a voice:</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ready yet, you are not.” It says</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I try to speak, but the words won’t come out.  </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Rest Luke.  The answers you seek, in time they will come.” Master Yoda says</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Time? That’s a luxury I don’t know if Ben has.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It took me so long to find the right song for Rey to sing.  I originally intended to write a song from scratch but I couldn’t think of anything.  I just knew I wanted it to feel like a folk song.</p>
<p>P.s.  the instrument Rey uses was the same kind of instrument that was briefly used by Cal in Jedi Fallen Order</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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